Authenticity without filters can just be mean and unprofessional

Sticks and stones can still leave quite a sting for a long time later.

We are all taught that adage "honesty is the best policy" from a very young age - partly because it somewhat rhymes. Further definition to "honesty" needs to be given. We can be honest in admitting mistakes - rather than denying them. We can give an honest opinion on a topic or product. This does not mean abandon all courteous filters. How many times lately have you read or heard about being "authentic" and "genuine?" I purposely use the big air quotes here because these words are being tossed around by many as an excuse to blather on about their flaws, dirty laundry and heavily biased, rude opinions on anything, everything and everyone. The words are so over-used that in some of my circles we have put a moratorium on the words to stop the misuse.

If honesty is the best policy, don't forget its friend, "If you can't say something nice to someone, don't say anything at all." Here's another that kind of flows nicely, but needs further definition. This does not mean to abandon giving your opinion - WHEN ASKED, advocating for yourself or others. You can disagree with people with respect. You can use tact and privately bring up what could be embarrassing points or topics with people.

Both of these adages play into the very public sandboxes we all spend time in each day. I'm talking about social media interacting, commenting, sharing, liking, disliking and more. When I was on the student council in middle school, our advisors, George Grabe, aka Geography teacher, and Lissa Muench, aka cool PE teacher, drove into the 30 of us in student government class, "If you have an issue with someone, take it to them directly and privately, and in person whenever possible, as soon as possible." Doing this cleared up misinterpretation, miscommunication and misunderstanding in general very quickly. The issues never escalated, nor did we get others involved. Did I mention I learned this in MIDDLE SCHOOL?  

Where are the mommas (or mums) of these folks that feel their need to pontificate, shame and embarrass people as they hide behind a monitor and keyboard? These are still humans. VERY real humans with their own histories and "stuff" you know nothing about. Why not assume first they are basically good with good intentions - start there and take a breath and a few minutes or hours to calm down if you must. Would you talk to that person the same way if you were in their home or office? How about at a crowded business function? On the tradeshow floor? In a SRO workshop event? Would you look them in the eye and say that snarky, demeaning, make-you-look-smarter-than-them comment? Would you really? What WOULD your momma say? How about your nana? Would she be proud of how you treated another human, no matter how "wronged" you perceived you were.

Before giving an opinion, or typing a comment, check your motives.

Why are you commenting? What are you trying to gain? Be HONEST with YOURSELF - only you will hear the truth. Is the purpose to compliment them, help them see another perspective or consider another solution? Fine.

If you are doing it to show off how smart, experienced, or cool you are - shut up.

If you are doing it to take a poke at them, hurt them because they embarrassed you, or made you look bad to a prospect or team member, shut up, walk away from the keyboard, set the phone down that has the social media app open, or take a walk around the block - remove yourself from the moment.

Ever wonder why Yelp and Google+ won't let you post reviews from your phone?

Think about it - it's a bit spontaneous, spur of the moment - HEAT of the moment in it's accessibility. You could be out drinking and reviewing - hard to remove the damage after you post. You can say "sorry" in all the ways you want, but you can't take back the sting or damage your temporary opinions created. Kids often add, "I was JOKING...", "I was just KIDDING..." when they are caught making a social faux pas.

Amazon lets you review from your phone because they are delivering something to you - it's not a MOMENT.

When you get caught up in the moment, ego, or emotion of a situation and respond negatively, you will only succeed in lowering yourself to their perceived level. You will gain nothing but being lumped in with the untrustworthy, fly-off-the-handle, loose cannon folks we all wince about at events. We wince because we are grateful WE didn't do it, and want to be mindful to learn from their quicksand-like mistakes.