Success isn't measured by how many times you get knocked down; it's measured by whether or not you choose to get up. Your life is like a book—but it's non-fiction, rather than a fairy tale. Some chapters contain tales of great success and happiness, and some feature failure and sadness. When you experience the inevitable challenging times in life, how do you react? Do you wallow in self-pity and let the experience cripple you, or do you take the challenge head on and remain positive and bounce right back? You can choose.
Many of the unpleasant events that happen to us in life are things we bring onto ourselves. Others, like being struck by lightening or being rear-ended on a highway, are events we can't control. But even these types of bad things do not need to keep us down for long. Though we can't prevent the bad event from happening, we can choose and control our reaction to it.
For example, if you're on your way to an important business meeting and you get a flat tire, how do you react? Do you get out of your car and curse yourself, the road, the highway department, and how rotten your life is, or do you assess the damage and fix the tire or call roadside assistance? No matter which reaction you choose, you still have the same challenge—a flat tire. You either choose to feel sorry for yourself, or you choose to fix the problem and get on with life. Which reaction benefits you more?
Even bad experiences can add to your life if you learn how to react to them appropriately. Over the years, the outside world has programmed us to react to experiences in a certain way. Your parents, friends, teachers, coaches, and neighbors have shaped your reaction style. Think back: after a little league game, were you taught to congratulate the other team on their win, or be sad and blame it on the muddy field, the referee, or some other factor that was out of your control? On the swim team, did you learn to respect that competition is healthy and there are first, second, and third place winners, or were you coddled and everyone on your team received a participation ribbon? Even if you didn't learn to be resilient as a child, it's not too late to learn as an adult.
Which would you rather be likened to: a bouncy ball that bounces higher than the height from which it was dropped? Or a playground ball that is flat and doesn't bounce at all? If you want to improve your resiliency, you first have to hunger for it. Realize you will experience much more success in life if you learn to be resilient instead of accepting defeat. Donald Trump, one of the richest men in America, at one time was virtually bankrupt. Instead of giving up, he had a burning determination to be successful. Trump knew the secret of resilient people: setbacks do not equal defeat. They are building blocks that can make you stronger.
You won't become resilient overnight, but with some practice and determination, the following steps will help you graciously handle temporary setbacks and not let them stop you.
Step 1: Do an honest evaluation of your resiliency.
Take an honest look and inventory of yourself. How do you normally react to adversity? Whether it's the flat tire or a lost promotion, ask others for input: friends, mentors, managers. Say,"In your eyes, how do I handle adversity?" You may not like the answer, but you need to hear it. It is the first step toward owning the ability to have a big bounce.
Step 2: Identify role models.
Think of the people in your life; some are very resilient and some just don't bounce back. They are stuck on the floor. They are the"poor me's" who just wallow around in their own self-pity. Go to people you admire who have faced adversity. Say,"I watched that event and I watched how you quickly bounced back. How did you do it? What were the steps you went through? Who did you talk to? How would you help somebody like me? What are the emotional tools you used to successfully pull yourself back up?" People who are champions in life see adversity as another opportunity to make themselves stronger.
Step 3: Take baby steps.
Look at small resiliency comebacks and build them into big ones. When you recognize you are exhibiting even slight resilience, write down the steps you took to overcome the setback. Affirm that you have the capability to automatically bounce back. Avoidance is a victim's mentality. No matter what the circumstance, you want to be able to say, "I'm a survivor." When adversity strikes, confront it, and determine in advance that you are going to be a big bouncer and not just someone who goes flat the minute trouble strikes. Avoid the,"I could have, should have, would have" mentality. Those are all imaginary words. Instead, say,"What am I going to do to learn from this event? How can I be resilient?"
Step 4: Realize resiliency is a learned skill.
You didn't come out of the womb being resilient. You develop resiliency over the course of your life. You need to take an honest look at yourself and be serious enough to be willing to make a change. You might not reach Olympic gold status as a bounce-backer, but you can surely improve.
A New, Resilient You
Why bother being resilient? Others will admire you, but better yet, you'll be a lot happier with yourself. Wouldn't you rather see yourself bounce back from adversity instead of wallowing around in misery? For some people, it just takes too much effort when they're down on the ground to get up and greet the new challenge on the horizon. Don't let that be you. If you experience a setback, like losing a sale or losing a promotion, you can choose to say,"I don't like the way this feels. I'm going to turn it around. What can I do next time to make sure this doesn't happen again?"
Becoming resilient requires a commitment to patience and practice. At first you will take a series of baby steps, but your stride will get increasingly bigger. First, own the fact that you're not as resilient as you should be. Look around and see who can help you on your quest for the resiliency factor. Find an accountability partner who will honestly tell you how you are doing. Realize that you will still experience setbacks along the way, but, with practice, you will bounce back higher and stronger and achieve more success in life than you thought possible. Now go and be a bounce-back champion.
Jack Perry is a renowned leader, coach, and author with over 45 years of experience."Jack, You're Fired," is his book on effective sales, goals and motivation techniques. Jack climbed to the top with a District Sales Management position at IBM, then became CEO at a national financial services firm. Jack is an expert on sales, motivation, leadership and retirement planning.
About Jack Perry
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